The past month and a half has been amazing, primarily because I kissed my old job goodbye. People who knew me at my last job, particularly the other social worker who would lend me her ears after work to vent and cry and scream, have noticed a dramatic change in my overall mood. It’s a welcome improvement.

The last few days at my job challenged my confidence in my decision. Leaving was tough on me emotionally because the past two years were spent building relationships with people diagnosed with cancer and helping them overcome obstacles. While not all of my encounters were meaningful, there were a few bonds that were difficult to break. Because honestly? You can’t experience cancer at a distance. When you dive in, you’re all in — even as a bystander or cheerleader.

Walking away was difficult. I cried a few times during my last week. I wasn’t leaving because I couldn’t “handle” cancer. I left because I wasn’t happy in my environment and you cannot effectively counsel people and guide them towards resources if you feel insecure, stressed, unhappy, or mad in your personal or professional life. I miss the people I worked with over the last two years every day, patients and co-workers alike. I wish I could check in on the patients, tell them I think about them every day. I hope they know I’m there, even if I’m not physically there to support them.

It was time to move on and take care of me, though. I’m glad I did. I’m in a better place now than I was several weeks ago. A huge weight has been lifted. I no longer feel anxious before I go to bed. I don’t dread waking up to go to work. I see my former co-worker two or three times a week and our conversations do not revolve around anger, fear, or sadness. There are no more tears. There is no self-doubt. It’s peaceful. And you know what?

I’m enjoying the peace.

I can haz blog?!

Well, clearly I’ve neglected this space. I started this blog when I was miserable at work. I mean, beyond miserable. I was beaten down and deflated. After months of nearly constant uncertainty and self-doubt and mental beatings, I quit. Seven weeks ago I shut the door on all those yucky, no good, awful feelings and started a new job.

But now I’m back so stay tuned!

Things are changing. Big things. I can’t write about it just yet, but soon I can spill the beans. (No, I’m not pregnant. The inside of my body is a hostile environment. Babies cannot grow there.)

My life has been a bit of a roller coaster lately. Or a freight train. Perhaps a little of both. In between working a full-time job and training for a half-marathon, I lost my mind and signed up for two classes. And did I mention I’m getting married in October? Oh, hey. That’s right around the frickin’ corner. Someone should have my head examined. Seriously.

That being said, today was a very, very productive day. I woke up bright and early at 6:30 in the morning, put on my running gear, and laced up my Asics to hit the pavement. I ran the Ortega River Run, which is a total of 5 miles through historic Avondale/Ortega (I live here but I don’t really know what to call my neighbor). I ran it in under 50 minutes (a personal best!), which roughly equals a 9:16 pace. That rocked!

Arjay and I spent the rest of the day doing wedding related tasks such as ordering Save the Dates and beginning the registry process at Bed, Bath and Beyond. It felt good to tackle these items. The wedding registry was fun but extremely overwhelming. I didn’t know there were so many items for the kitchen. Mostly because I avoid stepping into the kitchen at all costs. If I could have my way, I’d eat out every single day!

I used to complain about having nothing to do in my spare time. Well, now I don’t have enough time to do the things I’d like to do. I miss reading books and eating lunch with my dad. Thankfully my half-marathon is almost finished. I will have some more flexibility with my schedule at that time.

In the meantime, I decided to re-do this blog. I’m keeping the cute layout, but I am going to edit some of the pages and make it easier for me to manage. It will make more sense when I can actually write about the change I mentioned earlier. Patience, young grasshopper. Patience. It is a virtue after all!

I promise to write soon, but I don’t know how to express the way I feel about my life right now. On one hand, I feel like a million bucks. I’m engaged to a wonderful man who will become my husband on October 23, 2010. I live in a cute cottage even though it’s stuffed with garage sale items due to weather delays. Not to mention all the other wonderful things in my life, including my awesome family, my future in-laws, and the fact that I am training for a half-marathon.

The flip side is this: there are parts of my life (namely, the professional aspects) that are spinning wildly out of control. Granted, I have a job which I am grateful for financially. But I’m constantly being challenged and not in a good way. I don’t believe in God, but if I did, I’d say this is a time where I’m being tested. I’m flailing. I feel deflated, defeated, depressed, and confused. I can’t make up my mind about where I’m going.

Until I figure it out, I’m afraid. I should write about my experiences in an attempt to examine what it is I want for myself. But I can’t. The words won’t come. I’m torn between the “watchful waiting” method or preparing for the worse. Maybe I’ll be struck with a moment of clarity but for right now I’m lost. I don’t know where to go from here.

I have totally neglected my blog, which is sad because I have plenty to say! I’m training for a half-marathon, it’s the holidays, and my work leaves me with plenty of blog fodder. It’s really unacceptable to ignore this space. I’m doing a disservice to myself in all honesty. Obviously I don’t have many readers (if any), so I would truly be writing for my own mental health. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, either.

My solution? Well, it’s probably a little ambitious and I might be setting myself up for failure but I’m going to give it a shot. I will make an honest effort to write in my blog every day starting today. That’s right. Every. Single. Day. If I slip up and miss a day, well, that’s just fine, really. It’s a lot like running and weight loss. Some days you’re on and you stick to the schedule, but every so often you stray from the plan. It’s not the end of the world by any means.

To help motivate me to write in my blog, I’m dedicating Tuesdays and Saturdays to writing about my half-marathon training. I participate in group runs on each of those days, so it seems like good practice to write about my experiences with running — the good, bad, and ugly (very ugly).

Wednesdays can be dedicated to wedding planning because who doesn’t love a little alliteration? After the New Year, my planning should be in full swing. As of today, we have ten months to go before we are married. Hopefully this will help me focus and deal with the fact that I am actually taking that step and commiting to another individual for the rest of our lives (hopefully).

I might dedicate a day to pictures, too, but I’ll start here for now and it can evolve into something else over time. Like I said, it might be too much for a newbie, but I find that it helps to just dive in sometimes and see what happens. I look forward to writing more. Sometimes you need an emotional and mental outlet. I hope this does the trick!

Well, hello there, Interwebs!

I’m Sara, a twenty-something social worker living in the South. My lovely fiancé, Arjay, helped me create a little space on the Internet. He designed the site and gave it life! Now I have the pleasure of filling it with content.

I’ll be honest. I’m not a prolific writer. I had a blog in an afterlife and maintained it for several years, but I deleted it on a whim and now it’s lost and gone forever. Over the past year I’ve begun reading several blogs on a regular basis. It piqued my interest, which lead me to beg my fiancé to put his programming skills to good use and design a blog for me. For free.

Anyway, this will serve as my first post. I’m trying to arrange things how I like. In the meantime you can check out my list of 101 in 1001, which is a work in progress, stay tuned for future posts, or learn more about me. As a matter of fact, I have been hard at work on my list since Friday. I have already contacted and joined Team in Training and completed the Free to Breathe 5K!

I’m looking forward to blogging and developing my writing and story-telling skills.